Oh, that sour sweat smell?

Posted on Thursday, January 12, 2012 by subevents

This week so far I’ve done four krav classes, and I will likely do at least one more on Friday or Saturday. I’m still not any better at it, but I still love it for all the reasons I talked about here. And you know, I don’t really have time for it. But too fucking bad. I’m making the time. Out of thin air.

I went to the Monday morning conditioning class, which consists of the instructor making us hit and kick nonstop for the whole time and usually ends with a drill wherein everyone in class attacks one person and that person has to defend for a minute or so. That time, the attackers took turns calling out combinations. I like to work on that stuff; I need to think faster or relax and let my body do the thinking. Or something.

Anyway, it’s exhausting and exhilarating. And I did well in that one this week. I think my form was better than usual, and I felt energetic and whipped the shit out of stuff.

Tuesday I did a morning and an evening class, and today I did one in the morning. This morning we did another drill where everyone was attacking one person, only this time we all ganged up and gave the attackee not much room to move and kept pushing with the pads and yelling. One attackee got my knuckle with a fingernail, and it bled everywhere. I thought it was just bleeding a little and that my glove was soaking it up, but then I saw that I was getting blood all over everyone’s shirts. Some got on the mirror and on the floor, too, though I don’t know if that was my blood or another guy’s.

(Usually there’s not bleeding. Just sometimes, shit happens. I already had a bandage on one knuckle that’s constantly cracked through a combination of dry hands and my incorrect punching style (which I’m working on). Plus a bandage on my elbow because it’s still scabby from where I broke it open last week. But man. A fingernail-sliced knuckle can bleeeeeeed. A new thing I learned!)

Then I stayed after to talk to the teacher about some stuff (which I’ll write about in another entry soon, I think), so it was well after 8 when I got to work. Which means other people were there. Often, I get in all red and sweaty from class or, in good times, from riding my bike to work, and it’s still pretty early, so only a few people are there. I can scurry to the bathroom and clean up and put on real clothes before anyone sees me.

But today I had to scurry very skillfully because my hand was pretty bloodied. The short sleeves of my workout shirt show the forearm bruises I still have from last week. And my hair, even though it was in a ponytail, was kind of a mess from when I rolled around on the floor kicking things. My face is always red for a long time after any exercise. Also, I’m sure I looked so blazingly professional in my knee-length baggy black shorts and my light-blue t-shirt with yellow armpit stains.

“Hi, everybody! Here’s my scrabbly, sweaty hair and my bloody knuckles! Oh, that sour sweat smell? No idea. Maybe there’s a leak in the bathroom or something? Please trust me to lead your project and advise you on important decisions!”

Posted in January 2012, krav maga | Leave a comment

Time, I need it

Posted on Wednesday, January 4, 2012 by subevents

Four extra hours in each day. That’s all I’m asking for. That shouldn’t be that difficult, right?

I was crazy busy all day at work. First there was a meeting of my workplace’s advisory group. I’m on a small working group trying to improve project management at Workplace whether people want it or not. One of my project management teammates and I had to facilitate an activity to get them to brainstorm some stuff and think about roles and responsibilities on projects.

That was complicated by the facts that (1) that’s a fractious bunch of people who question everything, (2) two of my other teammates are on vacation (though they did co-create the presentation for us before they went, so props), (3) another team member just quit for another job, and (4) the one who was with me today just got added to the team right before the holiday break and was thrown right into presenting to the fractious ones. But we did all right. Then we were in there for a few more hours engaging in an activity run by someone else.

Meanwhile, Chris had had a crazy shredded tire incident while driving on the highway.

January 4, 2012 - Chris's tire shredded while he was driving on the highway.

Luckily he didn’t wreck, but his spare was messed up. He had tried to call me from the side of the highway right after the meeting started and of course I didn’t get his message until hours later. So many hours, in fact, that he managed to get his car to my office, come in and wait around for me, and then get enough air into his holey spare to get to a tire place and get new tires.

Then I had a webinar meeting with the people who are doing our new online learning system for us, which I am in charge of launching and ohmygod there’s so much to do to get that done. So, two meetings where the outcomes were really important, and where I had to be, like, smart and shit. And tomorrow, another meeting with some clients, the ones from the huge project that’s consumed my life for the last three springs and summers. I’m not in charge of that one anymore, but I’ll be there tomorrow to help the handoff to the lucky new manager of that work.

I’m taking on a lot more responsibility at work lately, and I like what I’m doing, but there’s so much I want to do with the projects I’m on. I’m dreaming big. And I don’t even have time to do my daily work anymore, let alone launch some of the big ideas I have.

And school is starting up again in a few weeks! I’m now officially in the School of Information master’s program, working on usability and information architecture. It’s fun, and I’m learning things that I’m applying at work right away, but again, no time no time no time.

And I’m trying really hard not to give up the personal stuff I love, like krav or yoga or biking or running or the writing I’ve been doing (now I have TWO novels in progress). I just need about four more hours in every day and I think I could do it.

I also might need an extra hour that I could spend on fretting. Actually, if I could confine the fretting to only an hour, I might not even need those extra four hours I’m asking for. Mainly my fretting has to do with Malcolm and how his diabetes is still not under control. It apparently takes a while to get the insulin dosage right, and that’s complicated by his inflammatory bowel thing, for which he’s taking a steroid, which is so not good for diabetics. So I’m spending a lot of time staring at him and hoping he’ll be okay.

January 3, 2012 - Malcolm

I’m also fretting because Chris is starting his full-time PhD program this month, and, well, that doesn’t actually pay very well. So financially, we’re kind of walking a higher, skinnier tightrope than usual. Also, four new tires for his car (they were all about to explode) is not a cheap thing.

And I’m fretting because it’s just what I do. I could totally win a gold medal in it.

Anyway, I did make it to yoga today, and I did the two most beautiful handstands I’ve ever done. They were still against the wall, but in both cases, I got my legs to hover upright for a moment and then just gently touch the wall in a controlled manner, instead of flailing up and crashing into the wall like usual. I couldn’t do some of the other stuff today, but I’ve noticed that I’m getting way better at stuff that requires strength (handstands) and NO better at stuff that requires flexibility (like this thing that beat my ass today).

That might actually be a metaphor for my life. Especially the last year and a half or so.

Posted in January 2012 | Leave a comment

Stay sane by beating the shit out of things

Posted on Thursday, December 22, 2011 by subevents

I’ve been wanting to take some kind of martial arts forever. I tried tae kwon do when I was a kid, and then again in college, and I never got past two classes, because I was put off by the ritual parts. I just wanted to hit and kick shit.

About ten years ago, we noticed a krav maga studio near our house, and I really wanted to go in there, but I was afraid to. I figured it was just for people who already bad asses, and they would probably tell me I wasn’t qualified to even set food in the door. Then that studio moved away, and I stopped thinking about it.

Until this summer. My friend Pam got a Living Social thing for a month of krav maga, and she took me to a class with her. We spent some time doing boot camp kind of warm ups, and then immediately started fighting. That day’s class focused on ground fighting, and Pam and I were tossing each other around while other people did the same all around us. It was an epiphany.

As you know, I’ve been having the worst fucking year(s) of my life, and I’ve been using physical activity to keep myself from going totally nuts. I did several months of boot camp until I got fed up with the instructor’s total lack of attention to form so that we were all always getting hurt. I run, I bike, I go to yoga. But that krav class. God. I wanted to sign up immediately.

It ended up being a few months until I was able to do that, and to my surprise, I even talked Chris into doing with me. He hates classes, and he really hates paying for stuff like that. But he went to the first class with me, and we both liked it. A week later, Zoey died unexpectedly, and I was just a broken goddamn person. I kept going to krav, and in fact looked forward to my three classes a week more than anything.

The bad shit, or just plain overwhelming shit, hasn’t stopped happening. You can read back over the last several entries and see that.

But I keep going to krav, and I keep loving every fucking second I’m in there. Now I do five or six classes a week, and I’d do more if I had more time. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I usually go in the morning and at night. It makes me forget my entire life and just focus on hitting and kicking and elbowing and pushing and throwing and twisting. I beat the motherfucking shit out of pads (and sometimes people, sort of), and hold pads while other people beat the shit out of them.

We play awesome games. Tonight, we warmed up by playing freeze tag. We practiced some punches, and then we got in groups of three. One of my partners held the pad while I punched it, and the other partner had a strap around my waist and kept pulling me backward, trying to keep me from getting to the pad. That’s one of my favorites.

I also like the one where they have half of us stand still with our eyes closed, while the others surprise us with chokes or bear hugs and we have to react. Sometimes they turn the music up and turn the lights on and off, just to make it even more disorienting. It’s brilliant.

I’m not good at krav maga. I’ve never been good at physical stuff.

It’s like my brain gives instructions, the instructions go through Babelfish, and when they get to my arms and legs, the translation is a little garbled.

But it doesn’t matter that I’m not good at it. I can still do it. It kind of reminds me of when I played roller hockey for a few years. I was never good at it, but I loved the violence of it and how I couldn’t think of anything else while I was out there on the floor.

So I’m doing it. I’m doing it all time, and I’m thinking about it all the time, and I’m just in love. Chris and I sometimes practice at home, and we compare our various wounds.

Right now, most of my knuckles are cracked. Both elbows are scabbed. The tips of my shoulders are bruised from an intro to Brazilian jiu jitsu they gave us the other day. I’ve got bruises around one wrist from a self-defense drill. A bruise on my upper arm from where a partner’s knee crushed it. Bruises on my shin from . . . I don’t even know what.

I like these wounds. The krav is keeping me sane, but barely. I’m still a depressed and anxious mess. I add in yoga and some running and biking as often as I can, but krav is the only time I can just stop fucking thinking for a minute. I can’t spend all my waking minutes doing that, but my cracking knuckles and my bruised shoulders are like little promises, reminders that I’ve got something to look forward to.

Posted in December 2011, krav maga | 1 Comment